Reclaiming Life After Loss: My Sister's Journey Through the Wilderness of Grief

When you experience the death of a loved one the grief is all-consuming, as we heard from my amazing first guest Nicole on the Rewild Grief conversation series. In this raw and revealing conversation, my guest Nicole - not only my sister in grief but also my sister in real life (!!) bravely shares her personal journey through the profound loss of our father in 2019. Hers is a journey that, while deeply personal, offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating grief.

As two sisters who shared this life-altering experience, Nicole and I walked (and continue to walk) vastly different paths to figure out our ways through the wilderness of grief. Her candid account challenges common misconceptions about grief, highlighting the all-encompassing nature of this life-bending experience and the gaping lack of societal support. Yet, from the depths of her darkest moments, Nicole emerged with hard-earned wisdom, and reflections to comfort, inspire and guide others struggling to see a way forward.

Check out the highlights of our conversation ⬇️

Q: What was it like in the early stages of grief after losing your father?

A: In the initial years after my dad's passing, I was living in a "grief cloud" - a dark, foggy period where I struggled to remember details and simply focused on survival mode. It felt like life was carrying on around me while I was stuck, unable to make progress in my career or relationships. The grief was all-consuming, affecting my sleep, energy, and ability to function. As a 26-year-old at the time, I found it particularly difficult to watch my peers achieving milestones, while I felt trapped in a state of stagnation.

"I don't remember a lot of the details from that period because it's like your brain just takes over to protect you," Nicole reflects. "I really struggled because that was my mid to late 20s. Watching life carry on around you, other people my age taking big steps forward in their career and relationships. And you're like, ooh, I'm stuck in survival mode. I don't quite know if this is gonna get better."

Q: How did you start to emerge from that dark period?

A: Nicole realised that no one, including managers and peers, really knew how to support her through this traumatic experience. "Reclaiming the language to describe my experience as a 'big T trauma' was an important step in honoring what I had been through," she explained.

Over time, with the help of a therapist, a life coach, and close friends who stuck by her, Nicole was able to start healing and making intentional changes in her life.

Q: What advice would you give someone who is feeling stuck in their grief?

A: The main thing Nicole held onto was trusting that things would get better, even when it felt hopeless. "I had nothing else. I felt like there were no guarantees that anything would improve. I just trusted, and now I can look back and say that they do get better. So I have that perspective to offer."

Nicole also found great value in doing personal development work with a coach.

“Part of that was examining what my values were and how I wanted to live life. My coach said, ‘Imagine yourself in the same position you are now in one year's time and how you feel. Really drop into your feelings.’ And I'm like no. Hard pass. I need to make some changes. That question was really helpful.”

At the heart of Nicole's story are three powerful lessons for navigating grief.

First, have faith that the darkness will lift, even when the pain feels all-consuming. As she advises, "trust that things will get better, even when it feels hopeless."

Secondly, seek out support in its many forms - whether from empathetic loved ones, grief specialists or alternative therapies. Nicole's experiences underscore how invaluable it is to feel truly seen and validated in your suffering.

Finally, approach your healing journey with self-compassion, reframing societal misconceptions that may be holding you back. By honoring the complexity of grief, rather than trying to conform to arbitrary timelines, the path to wholeness becomes clearer.

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You can find Nicole on Instagram @yarnsforthesoulnicole and check out her podcast Yarns for the Soul where she is having many more incredible conversations.