"If you don’t learn anything from this, what’s the point?” a good friend said to me the day after Dad died. At the time, in the throes of unfathomable grief, I thought it was a brutal, heartless thing to say. And in no way comforting. Despite this, I could recognise the truth in it, so I filed it away for another day. I’m still on the convoluted and confusing grief trail, but you know what, I have learned some things. A lot of things about myself, but equally...
BLOG & RESOURCES
Put your hand up if you’ve ever gone on a multi-day hike in the mountains - just because lots of other people are doing it - without any planning, preparation or packing.
No? Didn’t think so.
We would never set off on a backcountry adventure without:
- Gauging our fitness (and perhaps building fitness)
- Perusing the maps, route and guide book for details about terrain, elevation, water sources, huts or camping locations
- Checking the weather
- Carefully selecting appropriate gear...
About 80% of what I know comes from listening to podcasts, from French language to trail running, and astrology to cryptocurrency. Now I can add the death and grief category to my eclectic podcast library.
Podcasts have helped me feel less alone - both in my grief à la “ohh they feel that too” and literally when I’m by myself and want a friendly voice to listen to. The great thing about podcasts is that they offer this without the focus needed to read a book, or...
I didn’t experience the death of someone really close to me in my adult life until I was 30. Until this point, I was woefully ill-equipped to support anyone who was grieving. I never knew what to do or say.
Out of fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, I often did or said nothing. In the past I’ve been an awful friend, simply by being absent. I was that person who was too afraid and too awkward to be with someone who had lost a loved one.
I know I’m not the only one....
Writing by hand is an ancient practise, a sacred connection between our body, pen and paper. Our handwriting is unique and often easily recognised by our loved ones. And of all the mementos we keep in that box of special things in the back of the cupboard, handwritten notes and letters are among the most highly treasured.
The journey of grief is sacred too, and writing helps us begin to alchemise it. In the early weeks and months of my grief I carried my journal and pen everywhere - turning...
We often think that we can ignore the crushing emptiness at the thought of the holiday season without our person. Trying to squash this into the most far away corner of our minds can be just as stressful to our bodies and minds as the holiday season itself.
Here are some ideas to support you in carrying the elephant in the room this Christmas:
Take a moment - or ten
Pause, breathe and ask yourself what would feel most right to you to honour them. This might be a walk for some time with your...
If someone says the word ‘grief’, like obedient little minions the words denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance often trot along behind. I learned early on in my grief journey that I didn’t subscribe to the five stages of grief model. The counsellor I met with presented the five stages and I couldn’t even pretend to relate with any of them. It didn’t remotely mirror my grief experience. Not to mention, personally I baulked at the idea of someone...
Remember when hiring a life coach seemed like an oddball thing? I know I viewed the whole idea with cynicism when I first met one. But time and experience has taught me how valuable any type of coaching, guidance or support truly is.
Just like when I hired an endurance coach to complete the Coast to Coast Longest Day.
Or a running coach for five days running in the Wadi Rum desert in Jordan.
Or a writing coach to help break ground on my memoir.
Or a business coach to help get lift-off for my...
What happens when your body meets grief?
It’s one of those situations that IYKYK.
Ever since the death of your person you’ve been experiencing bone-deep fatigue, exhaustion, headaches, muscles aches, heaviness in limbs, and shortness of breath. Maybe that’s blended with lack of appetite, indigestion, nausea, and weight change. And perhaps with a topping of increased heart rate, chest pain and hair loss.
I can confirm for you right now, it’s not a coincidence. And...